poetry from another dimension

LUCKY STAR

LUCKY STAR

you are lucky!
said the angel from Las Vegas
the day after
the mayan fire ceremony,
in the strip mall,
under the harvest moon,
on the solstice
as Jupiter
beaconed, or maybe beckoned

i don’t know

and this is is true story, whatever that means

I shuffled the cards
(to make sure there was no cheating)
and she dealt my hand
Nevada
who knew?
do i need to tell you?
she was wearing blue cowboy boots
a blue hat
and a leopard print bra
gold hair and alabaster skin

I didn’t take her for an angel
at least, not at first
nor did I understand the game
most of the angels
I’ve met
have been african american males
and a few white guys too
and they show up when I’ve gotten myself
haplessly tangled in my leash
(or maybe hopelessly)
and need extricating
they say little, and disappear
but anyway
here I was
in the presence of my first female angel
an etheric cowgirl
who used this simple word “lucky”
what me lucky?

I wondered
“I am too, she said
lucky that is, being from Las Vegas
she paused
it was important”
okay, so I was broke, but
i had to admit
I’d had amazing and fascinating opportunities
things were never boring
in my own way
i was rich beyond measure

our meeting ended
I headed home,
pondering my luck

there it was, organic broccoli
and acorn squash
on sale (yum)
although
they weren’t what i wanted
she also said I had to meditate on that
what i wanted
i hate that instruction
surprises are so much more fun
i skipped the sale
and bought the stuff of guacamole
almost in defiance of the opportunity cast upon me
i want guacamole!
at home i found a taste for broccoli
next time, i say surprise me
but wait, does that mean that I want will never satisfy me?
now there’s a belief worth abandoning, and quickly.

seeking then, the definition for lucky, of course
expecting a thousands ways to say
“abundant, receiving of lots of good things,
blessings” and so forth
is that what it said?
um, no
“occurring by chance” well, that wasn’t what i wanted
who wants to live in a world where good things come only by chance.
i want my surprises to be deliberately crafted by a loving universe
kind of like a special birthday cake just for you or should i say, me;
regardless of how my marriage turned out, I have to say,
that cake was sure delicious

anyway
i kept reading
“having or bringing good fortune” okay
now we are getting somewhere
good fortune

did I quit while I was ahead?
no
what if there is something better
you know, a better way to say it
the fledging writer in me wanted
a sparkling word, so
i kept reading

“likely to bring good luck”
well i hoped that I brought good luck to those around me
but having reclaimed my selfishness
I wanted something for me
i kept reading

a style magazine (no), the name of a village in slovakia (no), the name of a japanese baseball mascot (no)
i kept reading

“the slave to Pozzo in Beckett’s play, Waiting for Godot”
this Lucky, has no free will
whether this is a good
or bad thing
depends upon who is reading
how odd
this juxtaposition of  that which appears
auspicious, “good fortune”
and that which appears,

undesirable, “slavery”
there are some who interpret Lucky’s slavery as, well, lucky

he doesn’t have to choose
he doesn’t have to evolve
easy
but i wonder
is he happy?
is that too much to ask?

this play waiting for godot
who the heck knows what it’s about
whatever you want it to be about,
I suppose

i didn’t find what i was looking for, but i know all about the arbitrariness of lucky

that cowgirl, the angel
she tipped her blue hat and
dealt out the hand I had selected
I had selected
I HAD SELECTED
in pairs
Love/expectation
abundance/restriction
abundance! and then the restriction distracted me
I turned back to abundance again
only to find her scooping up the cards
away it went

Dazzled by love and then
she pointed at the expectations
and said
“you ought to look at this” shaking her head
taking my eyes away from the cards I thought about
what I was expecting
(but wait a minute…what about love?)
as I turned my eyes
back to the cards she scooped them up
and put them away
on to the next thing
(but wait a minute, what was that card about love?)

“remember? Quit while you are ahead” the etheric voice said through the ceiling vent.

and if you figure out what that means, let me know
when are you ahead anyway
everything,
everything
everything
is a gamble, isn’t it?
there is no sure thing

“think with your heart and not with your head” she said
I was tempted to tell her
I’d heard that before
as a matter of fact it was tattooed on my ass
but then humility won out
and i kept my mouth shut

the angel tipped her hat
and blew me a kiss
as she walked out the door of the office
into a desert
teeming with life
I saw it through the door

cacti and creatures that thrive in a land
with no water
they never say
“there is no water here, let’s keep moving”
or
“who builds a giant gambling casino in the middle of the desert?”
or
“I’ll stick with the rice a roni – door number 2”
are they fortunate, or unfortunate
those creatures in the desert
those folks trapped in the swirl of the
endless slot machine game
those folks with a years supply of rice a roni

well, okay, so maybe they are doing okay
they’ve adapted
to their circumstance
like the slave Lucky in the story
he doesn’t have to evolve
tied to his fate
no conscious evolution
that’s it he doesn’t HAVE TO evolve
he’s found the easy way out

i remember

days before the last time i fell
in love
i kept hearing
the words
“after nine days i let the horse run free
cause the desert had turned to sea”
aaaaah
ocean

MAYBE the desert can turn to the ocean
sometimes

if you wait long enough

but maybe it won’t
but maybe
had they left the desert
they would have
would have arrived
at the ocean
sooner

© 2010 exitsbyalice

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One response

  1. mb

    just keep letting it flow, sista!!!

    October 2, 2010 at 3:30 am

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